1 00:00:09,330 --> 00:00:10,233 Okay, kids, come on, come on. 2 00:00:10,266 --> 00:00:11,466 Everyone hold on to me. 3 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:12,383 Not you, you pervert. 4 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:17,283 Wow! This is so cool. 5 00:00:17,316 --> 00:00:19,266 Dad never lets us take the subway. 6 00:00:19,300 --> 00:00:21,366 Well, the entire city is in gridlock. 7 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:24,000 I don't know who schedules a Gay Pride parade 8 00:00:24,330 --> 00:00:25,316 on the same day they're unveiling a Calvin Klein billboard. 9 00:00:27,166 --> 00:00:29,160 Gimme a dollar! 10 00:00:29,500 --> 00:00:31,160 Don't worry, kids, I'll take care of this. 11 00:00:31,500 --> 00:00:32,433 [SHOUTS] What am I, Santa Claus? 12 00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:34,160 You give ME a dollar! 13 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:36,350 Yeah! 14 00:00:42,183 --> 00:00:43,466 You weren't even afraid of him. 15 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,330 Oh, honey, just cause he yelled in my face? 16 00:00:46,660 --> 00:00:47,333 You obviously have never seen 17 00:00:47,366 --> 00:00:48,116 my mother watch The Price Is Right. 18 00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:52,433 Oh, it's creepy down here. 19 00:00:52,466 --> 00:00:55,300 Oh, honey, the subway's not creepy. 20 00:00:55,333 --> 00:00:57,383 It's just nobody gives a damn anymore. 21 00:00:57,416 --> 00:00:59,133 What do I do with my soda? 22 00:00:59,166 --> 00:00:59,450 Just leave it on the floor. 23 00:01:01,333 --> 00:01:04,133 [BABY CRIES] 24 00:01:04,166 --> 00:01:06,830 Oh, would you look at that poor woman 25 00:01:06,116 --> 00:01:07,266 with all those kids and bags. 26 00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:09,150 Hold your sister a minute. 27 00:01:09,183 --> 00:01:11,000 Excuse me. Can I give you a hand? 28 00:01:11,330 --> 00:01:17,283 [SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 29 00:01:17,316 --> 00:01:19,150 Can I hold something for you? - [SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 30 00:01:19,183 --> 00:01:21,333 Oh, wow. 31 00:01:21,366 --> 00:01:23,830 I would have given me the salami, 32 00:01:23,116 --> 00:01:24,466 but you're a lot cuter. 33 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,400 [LAUGHS] 34 00:01:26,433 --> 00:01:29,383 You see, kids, one simple act of kindness, 35 00:01:29,416 --> 00:01:31,416 and already the world is a better place. 36 00:01:31,450 --> 00:01:33,416 [SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 37 00:01:33,450 --> 00:01:35,160 This is America. She could speak English. 38 00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:42,383 [PASSENGERS CLAMORING] 39 00:01:42,416 --> 00:01:44,830 Oh, good, a seat. 40 00:01:44,116 --> 00:01:46,316 Yeah. Yes, you're such a doll. 41 00:01:46,350 --> 00:01:49,166 You're such a doll. 42 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:52,433 That's right. Shayna punim. 43 00:01:52,466 --> 00:01:57,450 [SHOUTING] 44 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:05,450 Oh, what ashayna punim. 45 00:02:05,483 --> 00:02:08,266 What a littlebubbeleh. 46 00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:10,200 Uh, excuse me... Yentl? 47 00:02:12,150 --> 00:02:13,300 Yeah? What? 48 00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:15,000 Where's the mother? 49 00:02:15,330 --> 00:02:17,330 Oh, my God. 50 00:02:17,660 --> 00:02:19,300 She abandoned her baby. 51 00:02:19,333 --> 00:02:23,660 [GASPS] What is this world coming to? 52 00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:23,483 The salami, she guards with her life. 53 00:02:25,433 --> 00:02:27,200 Fran, what are we gonna do? 54 00:02:27,233 --> 00:02:29,366 Oh, you poor, defenseless little thing. 55 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:30,200 Ow! 56 00:02:32,233 --> 00:02:33,150 Someone's hungry. 57 00:02:35,433 --> 00:02:36,433 Can you believe that wasn't the first time 58 00:02:36,466 --> 00:02:37,300 that ever happened to me in the subway. 59 00:02:39,116 --> 00:02:42,116 [THEME MUSIC PLAYS] 60 00:02:42,150 --> 00:02:43,233 ♪ She was working In a bridal shop ♪ 61 00:02:43,266 --> 00:02:45,000 ♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪ 62 00:02:45,330 --> 00:02:46,133 ♪ Till her boyfriend Kicked her out ♪ 63 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,330 ♪ In one Of those Crushing scenes ♪ 64 00:02:48,660 --> 00:02:49,333 ♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪ 65 00:02:49,366 --> 00:02:51,466 ♪ She was out on her fanny ♪ 66 00:02:53,150 --> 00:02:54,183 ♪ So over the bridge From Flushing ♪ 67 00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:56,133 ♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪ 68 00:02:56,166 --> 00:02:58,233 ♪ She was there to sell makeup But the father saw more ♪ 69 00:02:58,266 --> 00:03:00,200 ♪ She had style, she had flair, she was there ♪ 70 00:03:00,233 --> 00:03:03,160 ♪ That's how she became The Nanny ♪ 71 00:03:04,300 --> 00:03:07,216 ♪ Who would have guessed That the girl we described ♪ 72 00:03:07,250 --> 00:03:09,283 ♪ Was just exactly What the doctor prescribed? ♪ 73 00:03:09,316 --> 00:03:10,266 ♪ Now the father Finds her beguiling ♪ 74 00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:12,330 ♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪ 75 00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:13,100 ♪ And the kids Are actually smiling ♪ 76 00:03:13,133 --> 00:03:14,316 ♪ Such joie de vivre ♪ 77 00:03:14,350 --> 00:03:16,500 ♪ She's the lady in red ♪ 78 00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:18,166 ♪ When everybody else Is wearing tan ♪ 79 00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,150 ♪ The flashy girl From Flushing ♪ 80 00:03:22,183 --> 00:03:22,450 ♪ The nanny named Fran ♪ 81 00:03:27,116 --> 00:03:30,233 Oh, I can't believe I'm holding a baby. 82 00:03:30,266 --> 00:03:32,000 If only you came with a husband and a house in Great Neck. 83 00:03:34,150 --> 00:03:36,660 Okay, we gotta act fast here. 84 00:03:36,100 --> 00:03:37,183 Gracie, go bring down your pink blanket. 85 00:03:37,216 --> 00:03:39,333 Not my blankie. 86 00:03:39,366 --> 00:03:42,216 Oh, God, I can't believe you still have that thing. 87 00:03:42,250 --> 00:03:44,216 And, Brighton, bring down the Snoopy up in your closet. 88 00:03:44,250 --> 00:03:46,283 What Snoopy in my closet? 89 00:03:46,316 --> 00:03:48,216 You know, you're just like my mother. 90 00:03:48,250 --> 00:03:50,660 "What Nestlé's Crunch bar under my NordicTrack?" 91 00:03:50,100 --> 00:03:50,400 Go. 92 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,316 Oh, what a day I had today. [BABY CRIES] 93 00:03:55,350 --> 00:03:56,466 Mm, let me guess. 94 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,500 Yard sale at Mia Farrow's? 95 00:03:58,830 --> 00:03:59,830 Oh. 96 00:03:59,116 --> 00:04:02,366 Oh, ho. 97 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:06,383 Oh, Maggie, go see if you can find some bottles. 98 00:04:06,416 --> 00:04:09,416 Niles, do we have any old nipples around the house? 99 00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:10,333 Hello, hello. 100 00:04:17,283 --> 00:04:20,330 Good afternoon, C.C., Niles, Miss Fine, baby. 101 00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:21,330 [BABY CRIES] 102 00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:23,500 Why? 103 00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:26,250 Some woman just abandoned this baby on the subway. 104 00:04:26,283 --> 00:04:28,150 I'll tell you it's a good thing I was there, 105 00:04:28,183 --> 00:04:30,266 or he could have been found by some wacko. 106 00:04:30,300 --> 00:04:31,433 You know, one of those people 107 00:04:31,466 --> 00:04:33,483 who walk around talking to themselves. 108 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:35,116 Although, what the hell I'm gonna do with a baby, 109 00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:36,000 I'll never know. 110 00:04:36,483 --> 00:04:37,400 I'll call 911. 111 00:04:39,283 --> 00:04:41,483 What kind of evil, cold-hearted woman 112 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:44,160 abandons a poor little defenseless creature? 113 00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:46,660 Oh, that reminds me. 114 00:04:46,100 --> 00:04:47,366 Yellow Cab called, you left your dog in the taxi... 115 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:48,466 again. 116 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,250 Oh, my God. 117 00:04:51,283 --> 00:04:54,350 That's where I left my Gucci umbrella. 118 00:04:54,383 --> 00:04:56,500 Ten to one she comes back with the Gucci and not the poochie. 119 00:04:58,433 --> 00:05:01,000 OPERATOR [OVER PHONE]: Hello, you've reached emergency 911. 120 00:05:01,330 --> 00:05:03,100 To report a murder, press 1. 121 00:05:03,133 --> 00:05:05,233 For a mugging, press 2. 122 00:05:05,266 --> 00:05:08,266 For bomb threats below 34th Street, press 3. 123 00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:10,383 34th Street to 72nd, press 4. 124 00:05:11,316 --> 00:05:15,000 Oh, you gotta love the N.Y.P.D. 125 00:05:15,330 --> 00:05:17,133 Meanwhile, where's that David Caruso going so fast 126 00:05:17,166 --> 00:05:18,433 with that big white freckly butt of his? 127 00:05:21,830 --> 00:05:23,383 Miss Fine, why the devil did you bring the baby here? 128 00:05:23,416 --> 00:05:24,433 Why didn't you just pass him over 129 00:05:24,466 --> 00:05:26,283 to a policeman straightaway? 130 00:05:26,316 --> 00:05:29,830 They're very busy. It's Sunday. 131 00:05:29,116 --> 00:05:31,183 The gays are comin' out, the yuppies are workin' out, 132 00:05:31,216 --> 00:05:32,330 and the Jews are eatin' out. 133 00:05:35,116 --> 00:05:36,216 Oh. 134 00:05:36,250 --> 00:05:38,830 Oh? Be careful. 135 00:05:38,116 --> 00:05:40,000 Mr. Snoopy's really old. - I will. 136 00:05:40,330 --> 00:05:42,116 Look, his tail's loose, his hair's fallin' out, 137 00:05:42,150 --> 00:05:43,450 and he's bustin' at the seams. 138 00:05:43,483 --> 00:05:45,183 Oh, give him a remote control, he could be my father. 139 00:05:47,350 --> 00:05:48,316 MAGGIE: Fran! 140 00:05:48,350 --> 00:05:49,366 Here, you hold. 141 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:51,330 What sweetie? What? 142 00:05:51,660 --> 00:05:52,316 Fran, I can't find my blankie anywhere. 143 00:05:52,350 --> 00:05:53,183 Oy. 144 00:05:58,330 --> 00:05:59,383 GRACE: Fran? - Yeah, honey. 145 00:05:59,416 --> 00:06:01,830 I can't find any bottles anywhere. 146 00:06:01,116 --> 00:06:02,150 How about a turkey baster? 147 00:06:02,183 --> 00:06:04,233 Oh, sweetie. 148 00:06:04,266 --> 00:06:06,400 We're trying to feed a baby, not impregnate Ling Ling. 149 00:06:06,433 --> 00:06:08,100 [BABY CRIES] - Oy! 150 00:06:08,133 --> 00:06:10,830 All right, Miss Fine. That's it, here's your coat. 151 00:06:10,116 --> 00:06:11,233 We're going down to the police station. 152 00:06:11,266 --> 00:06:12,416 [BABY CRIES] Oh, all right, but I'm telling you, 153 00:06:12,450 --> 00:06:15,660 we're never gonna get through. 154 00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:18,830 How many gay people can there be in New York? 155 00:06:18,116 --> 00:06:19,366 This, from a man who produces Broadway musicals? 156 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:27,500 God! It's a bloody mob scene out there. 157 00:06:27,830 --> 00:06:28,166 I mean, I'm proud I'm British. 158 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:29,166 But you won't see me marching around 159 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:30,160 dressed as Queen Victoria. 160 00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:35,216 I told you we should've taken the subway. 161 00:06:35,250 --> 00:06:37,350 Why? Hoping to pick up a few more? - Ugh! 162 00:06:37,383 --> 00:06:38,216 Maybe start a bowling team? - Ugh! 163 00:06:40,383 --> 00:06:43,416 Hey, 100 sexy men wanted your phone number. 164 00:06:43,450 --> 00:06:46,000 All they asked me was if my boots came in a size 13. 165 00:06:47,466 --> 00:06:49,150 The baby's back. 166 00:06:49,183 --> 00:06:50,416 Oh, Daddy, can we keep him? 167 00:06:52,116 --> 00:06:53,416 Gracie, heart, he's not a lost puppy. 168 00:06:53,450 --> 00:06:55,166 He's somebody's baby. 169 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:56,216 All right. Can I have a puppy? 170 00:06:58,283 --> 00:06:59,316 No, you may not have a puppy. 171 00:06:59,350 --> 00:07:01,166 Well, I don't know. 172 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:04,330 It might help fill the void 173 00:07:04,660 --> 00:07:05,183 after we have to give away [SOBS] our baby boy. 174 00:07:06,316 --> 00:07:08,266 Miss Fine... 175 00:07:08,300 --> 00:07:10,233 We need another boy in this hen house. 176 00:07:10,266 --> 00:07:11,266 There's far too much Blossom 177 00:07:13,383 --> 00:07:16,133 Here, Maggie, hold little Joshua Elliott. 178 00:07:16,166 --> 00:07:17,116 Careful. 179 00:07:17,150 --> 00:07:18,466 Who? 180 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,383 Well, "Elliott" after your father, 181 00:07:20,416 --> 00:07:22,830 and "Joshua" I just always liked. 182 00:07:24,416 --> 00:07:26,416 Oh, I can't wait to have a baby of my own. 183 00:07:26,450 --> 00:07:28,160 Yes, youcan 184 00:07:29,383 --> 00:07:30,316 You can wait a lot. 185 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:34,183 BRIGHTON: Can you say "Nintendo"? 186 00:07:36,166 --> 00:07:37,300 Oh, he's so cute. 187 00:07:37,333 --> 00:07:40,660 [ALL COOING] 188 00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:41,100 We can't give him up. - No. 189 00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:45,200 Ew! He's pooping. - Oh, yuck! 190 00:07:45,233 --> 00:07:47,216 Oh, no, give him to Brighton. 191 00:07:47,250 --> 00:07:49,500 No, give him to Fran. She's getting paid. 192 00:07:49,830 --> 00:07:51,333 Ohhh. 193 00:07:51,366 --> 00:07:55,383 What are they making such a fuss about? 194 00:07:55,416 --> 00:07:58,183 You'd think that they'd never, ever seen a-- 195 00:07:59,266 --> 00:08:00,133 [COUGHS] 196 00:08:02,450 --> 00:08:04,450 Oh! Oh! 197 00:08:06,450 --> 00:08:10,116 Oh, this kid's got far too many lentils in his diet. 198 00:08:12,383 --> 00:08:14,283 Oh, for God's sake, just give him to me. 199 00:08:14,316 --> 00:08:16,133 Come here, little fella. 200 00:08:16,166 --> 00:08:17,283 Ho! 201 00:08:26,116 --> 00:08:27,350 All right. I know what I'm gonna do. 202 00:08:27,383 --> 00:08:29,316 I'm gonna call the Department of Social Services. 203 00:08:29,350 --> 00:08:31,183 Oh, yeah, Sunday at 4:30, they're waitin' for you. 204 00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:37,660 Oh, there's that vein in your forehead again. 205 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,250 You know, Miss Fine, it's very odd, 206 00:08:38,283 --> 00:08:40,483 but that vein wasn't there a year ago. 207 00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:42,450 Just like the gray streak in your hair? 208 00:08:42,483 --> 00:08:44,266 Yes, exactly like the bloody gray streak. 209 00:08:44,300 --> 00:08:47,183 Oh, now, would you calm down? 210 00:08:47,216 --> 00:08:49,133 You're getting all wound up. 211 00:08:49,166 --> 00:08:50,416 Pretty soon you're gonna say something 212 00:08:50,450 --> 00:08:52,133 that you're gonna regret. 213 00:08:52,166 --> 00:08:53,830 I already did when I said, "You're hired." 214 00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:55,316 All right. Fine. 215 00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:58,366 I'll just dump the kid at the white zone at the airport. 216 00:08:58,400 --> 00:08:59,450 There'll be 40 cops on top of him 217 00:08:59,483 --> 00:09:00,183 before he's done unloading. 218 00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:06,233 Oh, Maxwell, I'm so glad you got that baby to the authorities. 219 00:09:06,266 --> 00:09:08,350 I was very worried about that poor little defenseless thing. 220 00:09:10,416 --> 00:09:13,660 Oh, slap that kid's picture on a milk carton, 221 00:09:13,100 --> 00:09:14,500 and let's get back to work. 222 00:09:23,183 --> 00:09:25,100 Oh, Joshy, what's the matter? 223 00:09:25,133 --> 00:09:25,416 Why aren't you eating? 224 00:09:28,500 --> 00:09:30,200 Oh, Niles! What the hell is this? 225 00:09:30,233 --> 00:09:31,233 It's puréed liver and Brussels sprouts. 226 00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:35,466 Oh, the stuff that came out of him 227 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:36,433 is more appetizing than that. 228 00:09:41,366 --> 00:09:44,283 Oh, Mr. Sheffield, now, don't get mad. 229 00:09:44,316 --> 00:09:46,450 I'm just giving him one last feeding 230 00:09:46,483 --> 00:09:47,283 before I have to take him to the orphanage. 231 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:52,160 Can you say, "Please, sir, I want some more." 232 00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:54,216 That's enough, Miss Fine. 233 00:09:54,216 --> 00:09:56,183 Well, what's with the box? 234 00:09:56,216 --> 00:09:57,266 Are you planning on mailing him to the police station? 235 00:09:59,150 --> 00:10:00,000 'Cause then you better punch some holes in the top. 236 00:10:01,133 --> 00:10:02,333 As a matter of fact, 237 00:10:02,366 --> 00:10:04,216 these are some of Brighton's old baby clothes. 238 00:10:04,250 --> 00:10:06,183 I thought they might come in handy. 239 00:10:06,216 --> 00:10:09,166 Oh, that was very sweet of you. 240 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:12,266 Isn't he a nice man? Isn't he a good man? 241 00:10:12,300 --> 00:10:14,116 Yes. 242 00:10:14,150 --> 00:10:16,183 [MAKES KISSING NOISES] Uh, Miss Fine, 243 00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:18,350 I think you're becoming far too emotionally attached 244 00:10:18,383 --> 00:10:21,116 to this child. Aww. 245 00:10:21,150 --> 00:10:23,266 Yes, isn't she, little fella? - [BABY GURGLES] 246 00:10:23,300 --> 00:10:25,500 Yes, she is. I think she is. 247 00:10:27,150 --> 00:10:28,283 I think she is. 248 00:10:28,316 --> 00:10:30,283 Well, you look very natural. 249 00:10:30,316 --> 00:10:33,330 Been there three times, Miss Fine. 250 00:10:33,660 --> 00:10:35,266 And if my expertise serves me, I think we need changing again. 251 00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:37,160 Excuse us. 252 00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:38,350 Oh, give him to me. I'll take him. 253 00:10:38,383 --> 00:10:40,300 No, no, that's all right. I've got him, I'll do it. 254 00:10:40,333 --> 00:10:42,200 Wait a minute here. - Let's just lay him down there. 255 00:10:42,233 --> 00:10:44,660 Lay him down. Yeah, little fella. 256 00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:46,133 We're gonna change you. Yeah, good boy. 257 00:10:46,166 --> 00:10:49,160 Make you all dry. Yeah, good boy, good boy. 258 00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:51,283 Well, Miss Fine, I wouldn't stay there. 259 00:10:51,316 --> 00:10:53,200 You never know with little boys. - Oh! 260 00:10:53,233 --> 00:10:54,266 Brighton once shorted a wall clock. 261 00:10:54,300 --> 00:10:55,830 Oh. 262 00:10:58,100 --> 00:11:00,266 There we go. - Oh, yeah. 263 00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:02,216 Well, we know one thing for sure, 264 00:11:02,250 --> 00:11:03,366 his mother was not speaking Hebrew. 265 00:11:06,830 --> 00:11:08,160 [COOS. BLOWS RASPBERRY] 266 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:09,000 [COOS, BLOWS RASPBERRY] 267 00:11:09,366 --> 00:11:11,233 [COOS, BLOWS RASPBERRY] 268 00:11:11,266 --> 00:11:12,250 They love it when you blow on their tummies. 269 00:11:12,283 --> 00:11:13,150 Who doesn't? 270 00:11:16,166 --> 00:11:18,400 Who's the handsome fella then, huh? 271 00:11:18,433 --> 00:11:20,266 Yes, who's the handsome fella? 272 00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:21,333 You know he reminds me of Brighton. 273 00:11:21,366 --> 00:11:22,483 Aw. Whoa! 274 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:24,316 BOTH: Heads up. 275 00:11:24,316 --> 00:11:25,266 Exactly like Brighton. 276 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:30,316 Aw, what did you do? What did you do? 277 00:11:30,350 --> 00:11:32,416 We'll get you dry. Yes, we will. 278 00:11:32,450 --> 00:11:34,330 You're a good boy. 279 00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:35,433 You know, Ms. Fine, I, uh-- 280 00:11:35,466 --> 00:11:38,450 I apologize for blowing up at you earlier. 281 00:11:38,483 --> 00:11:41,433 Well, Mr. Sheffield, I apologize for-- 282 00:11:41,466 --> 00:11:42,366 Actually, I didn't do anything. 283 00:11:43,350 --> 00:11:44,166 Mmm. You're quite right. 284 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,150 Come here, little guy. Come here. 285 00:11:48,183 --> 00:11:50,200 Aw. Oh, honey, would you--? 286 00:11:50,233 --> 00:11:54,150 I mean, uh, Mr. Sheffield, uh, put the TV on. 287 00:11:54,183 --> 00:11:55,830 They like the background noise. 288 00:11:55,116 --> 00:11:57,160 [REMOTE CONTROL CLICKS] 289 00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:58,466 TV ANNOUNCER: Senator Dole said he hasn't read the bill, 290 00:11:59,000 --> 00:11:59,333 but he's 100 percent against it. 291 00:12:03,100 --> 00:12:05,316 And in the local news, police are looking for this woman 292 00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:07,160 in connection with the mid-morning kidnapping 293 00:12:07,500 --> 00:12:10,150 on the subway. 294 00:12:10,150 --> 00:12:12,316 Oh, would you look at that nut? 295 00:12:12,350 --> 00:12:14,316 And she's runnin' around free. 296 00:12:14,350 --> 00:12:16,383 Oh, my God, Miss Fine, that's you. 297 00:12:16,416 --> 00:12:17,383 No way. 298 00:12:18,466 --> 00:12:21,266 Suspect is said to be 5'7", 299 00:12:21,300 --> 00:12:24,160 approximately 105 pounds, and in her early 20s. 300 00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:27,216 Oh, you're right. It is me. 301 00:12:27,216 --> 00:12:29,233 Miss Fine! 302 00:12:29,266 --> 00:12:31,333 Well, now, it's obviously a mistake. 303 00:12:31,366 --> 00:12:34,183 And it's all my problem. It has nothing to do with you. 304 00:12:34,216 --> 00:12:36,466 Suspect is believed to work for this man, 305 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,200 renowned Broadway producer Maxwell Sheffield. 306 00:12:40,266 --> 00:12:42,133 Alright, that's it. We're going down to the police station. 307 00:12:42,166 --> 00:12:44,183 Oh, can't we just call Al Cowlings 308 00:12:44,216 --> 00:12:45,250 and drive around for a while first? 309 00:13:01,383 --> 00:13:03,250 Oh, wow. 310 00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,200 This looks just like the police station 311 00:13:04,233 --> 00:13:05,116 onCagney and Lacey. 312 00:13:08,116 --> 00:13:10,150 No wonder they had so much crime in that precinct. 313 00:13:10,183 --> 00:13:11,150 All you had to do was outrun Tyne Daly. 314 00:13:14,133 --> 00:13:16,183 Mr. Sheffield, maybe you should take a number? 315 00:13:16,216 --> 00:13:18,330 Miss Fine, this isn't a bakery. 316 00:13:18,660 --> 00:13:19,216 Oh. - They don't give you numbers. 317 00:13:19,250 --> 00:13:20,233 [BELL RINGS] MAN: Sixty-two. 318 00:13:22,216 --> 00:13:24,383 Would you go get a number, please? 319 00:13:24,416 --> 00:13:27,660 Oy, men, what are you gonna do with 'em? 320 00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:28,830 Well, I'm not gonna shoot 'em next time. 321 00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:34,366 [BABY CRIES] 322 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:38,300 [SINGSONG] Oh, little Jeremy Matthew, how are you? 323 00:13:38,333 --> 00:13:40,500 What happened to "Joshua Elliott"? 324 00:13:40,830 --> 00:13:42,333 I got tired of it. 325 00:13:42,333 --> 00:13:44,266 I like the name "Joshua". - Oh. 326 00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:46,100 [BELL DINGS] MAN: Sixty-three. 327 00:13:46,133 --> 00:13:46,350 Oh, that's us. 328 00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:50,160 Now, may I do the talking, please. 329 00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:52,183 Now, Mr. Sheffield. I got us into this. Let me. 330 00:13:52,216 --> 00:13:53,300 Uh, look, Dick-- 331 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,000 Sergeant. 332 00:13:55,330 --> 00:13:56,316 I'm sorry. Sergeant. 333 00:13:56,350 --> 00:13:58,000 Dick Sargent/Sergeant, what are the odds? 334 00:14:00,333 --> 00:14:01,183 Miss Fine. 335 00:14:02,366 --> 00:14:04,366 Oh, all right, you better talk to him. 336 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:06,266 I'm exhausted. I've been taking care of a strange baby all day. 337 00:14:08,233 --> 00:14:10,000 Sergeant, uh, this woman, my nanny, 338 00:14:10,330 --> 00:14:12,366 er, Fran Fine, 339 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:14,233 is charged with a crime that I can assure you she didn't commit. 340 00:14:14,266 --> 00:14:15,000 Prostitution? 341 00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:19,330 Excuse me! I'm not a hooker. 342 00:14:20,266 --> 00:14:21,166 I'm a kidnapper. 343 00:14:23,300 --> 00:14:25,830 Well, my lawyer will finally get that house 344 00:14:25,116 --> 00:14:26,160 in the south of France he's always wanted. 345 00:14:27,383 --> 00:14:30,233 Fran Fine, you're under arrest. 346 00:14:30,266 --> 00:14:32,450 Oh, my God. 347 00:14:32,483 --> 00:14:34,283 Mr. Sheffield, call Jacoby and Meyers. 348 00:14:36,450 --> 00:14:38,166 I want the fat one, not the thin one. 349 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:39,330 He's got an attitude. 350 00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:41,000 Or is that Siskel and Ebert? 351 00:14:43,330 --> 00:14:45,000 You have the right to remain silent. 352 00:14:45,330 --> 00:14:46,830 [SNIGGERS] Obviously, you don't know her very well. 353 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:50,500 [CAMERA CLICKS] 354 00:14:50,830 --> 00:14:54,300 SERGEANT: Shoes. 355 00:14:54,300 --> 00:14:55,116 [CAMERA CLICKS] 356 00:14:56,233 --> 00:14:57,166 Hair. 357 00:14:59,416 --> 00:15:00,250 [GASPS] [CAMERA CLICKS] 358 00:15:06,383 --> 00:15:08,300 Well, height is one thing, but if you think 359 00:15:08,333 --> 00:15:11,330 that I'm gonna set one foot on a scale, 360 00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:12,660 you might as well just put me into a cell 361 00:15:12,100 --> 00:15:13,330 and throw away the key. 362 00:15:15,166 --> 00:15:18,116 What next? Because, frankly, I'm feeling very violated. 363 00:15:18,150 --> 00:15:19,466 We're gonna have to strip-search you. 364 00:15:21,383 --> 00:15:24,660 Oh, no. 365 00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:25,466 Not until there's a ring on this finger 366 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,160 and two tickets to Aruba. 367 00:15:29,660 --> 00:15:30,450 Oh. 368 00:15:30,483 --> 00:15:32,350 Well, I wouldn't wanna obstruct justice. 369 00:15:38,166 --> 00:15:38,450 [CHUCKLES] 370 00:15:44,466 --> 00:15:45,266 Oh-- 371 00:15:46,416 --> 00:15:47,150 [DOOR SLAMS] 372 00:15:49,466 --> 00:15:51,433 Oh, sir. 373 00:15:51,466 --> 00:15:53,830 Niles, what are you doing here? 374 00:15:53,116 --> 00:15:54,350 Well, I was watching America's Most Wanted, 375 00:15:54,383 --> 00:15:57,233 and lo and behold. 376 00:15:57,266 --> 00:15:59,500 I brought you a fresh shirt and your shaving things. 377 00:15:59,830 --> 00:16:00,483 Oh, thank you. 378 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,350 I don't plan on being here very long. - Hmm. 379 00:16:02,383 --> 00:16:03,433 How on earth did you get here 380 00:16:03,466 --> 00:16:05,150 with that Gay Pride parade going on? 381 00:16:05,183 --> 00:16:06,233 Oh, I borrowed the poodle and walked. 382 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,300 In fact, I got several job offers. 383 00:16:11,333 --> 00:16:12,416 What's the difference between a butler and a houseboy? 384 00:16:15,366 --> 00:16:16,466 Well, in your case, about 30 years, Niles. 385 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:19,300 Rot in jail, sir. 386 00:16:25,233 --> 00:16:27,150 Well, there's one fantasy shot to hell. 387 00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:42,133 Niles! 388 00:16:42,166 --> 00:16:44,233 Didn't you see me fall in that ConEd ditch? 389 00:16:44,266 --> 00:16:47,830 I nearly killed myself. 390 00:16:47,116 --> 00:16:49,200 All I saw was a blond woman in an olive overcoat, 391 00:16:49,233 --> 00:16:49,466 and then she was gone. 392 00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:54,133 Well, what am I wearing? 393 00:16:54,166 --> 00:16:55,433 Oh, lookie there. 394 00:16:58,316 --> 00:16:59,500 Maxwell... 395 00:17:00,166 --> 00:17:01,383 [SIGHS] is everything all right? 396 00:17:01,416 --> 00:17:02,433 Has she been incarcerated yet? Did I miss it? 397 00:17:05,116 --> 00:17:07,266 C.C., you could show some concern for Miss Fine. 398 00:17:07,300 --> 00:17:11,266 Maxwell, my concern is for you! 399 00:17:11,300 --> 00:17:13,216 Before Nanny Fine entered our lives, 400 00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:15,150 we never had to step foot in a place like this. 401 00:17:15,183 --> 00:17:16,500 C.C.? 402 00:17:17,350 --> 00:17:18,233 Girlfriend. 403 00:17:21,133 --> 00:17:23,830 Got you again, huh? 404 00:17:23,116 --> 00:17:25,483 You must have me confused with someone else. 405 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:27,466 I've never seen this person before in my life. 406 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,333 Oh, is that your game? That's cool. 407 00:17:31,366 --> 00:17:33,233 Just stay off Second Avenue. Leon's looking for you. 408 00:17:36,250 --> 00:17:37,466 [UNDER BREATH] Leon? 409 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,233 Maxwell, I swear. 410 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:41,166 Here you go. 411 00:17:48,450 --> 00:17:50,183 How'd you like it, sugar? 412 00:17:50,216 --> 00:17:52,250 Oh, it was so good, I could do it again and again and again. 413 00:17:55,233 --> 00:17:58,133 Maxwell, you can't seriously believe that-- 414 00:17:58,166 --> 00:17:59,266 I know. 415 00:17:59,300 --> 00:18:00,466 Did you go to Bryn Mawr? 416 00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:08,500 Miss Fine, what did they do to you? 417 00:18:08,830 --> 00:18:10,150 Oh, it was horrible. 418 00:18:10,183 --> 00:18:12,166 Seven women, one toilet, no door. 419 00:18:14,366 --> 00:18:17,166 Here's Big Bertha, doin' her business right out there in the open 420 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:18,450 like she's onWild Kingdom or something. 421 00:18:22,166 --> 00:18:25,283 [SHOUTS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 422 00:18:25,316 --> 00:18:28,300 Oh, Mr. Sheffield, I'm scared. I can't go to prison. 423 00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:29,466 I went to the bathroom maybe three times 424 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,660 in all of summer camp. 425 00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:33,133 I can't hold it in for five-to-twenty. 426 00:18:35,316 --> 00:18:37,830 You're gonna have to come with me. 427 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:40,500 [SHOUTS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] Oh, I can't believe this is happening! 428 00:18:40,830 --> 00:18:43,500 I was just trying to be helpful! 429 00:18:43,830 --> 00:18:44,233 This is just like Nikki onThe Young and the Restless. 430 00:18:46,233 --> 00:18:47,233 Young and Restless? Yeah! 431 00:18:49,116 --> 00:18:50,133 Nikki Newman Abbott? 432 00:18:50,166 --> 00:18:51,450 Yes, yes! Oh! 433 00:18:51,483 --> 00:18:53,383 Remember, Nikki was accused 434 00:18:53,416 --> 00:18:55,266 of stealing Cricket's baby at Jabot Cosmetics? 435 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,830 Cricket! 436 00:18:57,166 --> 00:18:59,300 [SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] - Yes, yes! 437 00:18:59,333 --> 00:19:01,183 [SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] - Only she wasn't stealing it. 438 00:19:01,216 --> 00:19:02,233 [SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] - She was holding it for a woman 439 00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:04,100 that was putting on blush. 440 00:19:04,133 --> 00:19:06,660 [HEAVY ACCENT] No, no. Mascara. 441 00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:08,200 Oh, yeah, she's right, she's right. Mascara. 442 00:19:08,233 --> 00:19:11,250 And then Cricket thought that the baby was stolen, 443 00:19:11,283 --> 00:19:12,483 and Nikki went to jail... - [SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 444 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:14,350 ...and that shower scene - [SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 445 00:19:14,383 --> 00:19:16,250 ...was more than we should've seen on daytime. 446 00:19:16,283 --> 00:19:17,450 [BOTH LAUGH] 447 00:19:17,483 --> 00:19:19,350 [RINGS BELL] Quiet, quiet. 448 00:19:19,383 --> 00:19:21,000 It wasn't Cricket's baby. 449 00:19:23,300 --> 00:19:25,100 It was Ashley and Snapper's. 450 00:19:25,133 --> 00:19:26,300 [BOTH GASP] Snapper! 451 00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:28,483 [HEAVY ACCENT] Snapper! Snapper! 452 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:30,400 All right, all right, uh... 453 00:19:30,433 --> 00:19:33,116 considering the circumstances, 454 00:19:33,150 --> 00:19:34,160 I guess you're free to go, Miss Fine. 455 00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:35,400 Oh. 456 00:19:35,433 --> 00:19:36,416 [SPEAKING SOFTLY IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 457 00:19:36,450 --> 00:19:39,283 Can I at least say goodbye to the baby? 458 00:19:39,316 --> 00:19:40,250 Just wave, Miss Fine. 459 00:19:40,283 --> 00:19:42,330 Oh! Bye, Joshy. 460 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,330 Oh. 461 00:19:44,660 --> 00:19:45,216 Zbigniew. 462 00:19:46,283 --> 00:19:47,133 Zbigniew. 463 00:19:49,233 --> 00:19:50,383 Oh, that oughta go over big on the playground. 464 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,300 Well, I only knew him for a couple of hours, 465 00:19:55,333 --> 00:19:56,483 but I'll never forget him. 466 00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:02,200 I'll never forget her either. Quick, act like we're together. 467 00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:21,330 You know what? I sort of liked having a baby in the house. 468 00:20:21,660 --> 00:20:22,100 Except I had no idea how much work they were. 469 00:20:25,660 --> 00:20:26,330 And they're always making a mess. 470 00:20:32,416 --> 00:20:34,383 You know what, Niles, on second thought, 471 00:20:34,416 --> 00:20:36,416 could you bring these upstairs so we can watch some TV? Thanks. 472 00:20:36,450 --> 00:20:38,316 I have two words for you - 473 00:20:38,350 --> 00:20:39,266 "Hansel" and "Gretel". 474 00:20:42,500 --> 00:20:43,333 Well, actually, that's three words. 475 00:20:43,333 --> 00:20:44,000 [OVEN DOOR CLUNKS] 476 00:20:53,183 --> 00:20:57,150 Oh, my. Would you look at this mess? 477 00:20:57,183 --> 00:20:58,483 I'm bingeing. 478 00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:01,283 I'm a little depressed about giving back the baby. 479 00:21:01,316 --> 00:21:05,433 Oh, well, sweetie, we had to give him back. He wasn't ours. 480 00:21:05,466 --> 00:21:07,433 That's right. He didn't belong to our family. - No. 481 00:21:07,466 --> 00:21:08,416 Then why don't you two make a baby? 482 00:21:11,300 --> 00:21:13,450 Take it away, Mr. Sheffield. 483 00:21:13,483 --> 00:21:15,500 Well, um, I mean, we'd have to be-- 484 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,350 Well, you know, you have to be married first. 485 00:21:18,383 --> 00:21:20,383 Oh, right, married. - There has to be an engagement. 486 00:21:20,416 --> 00:21:23,266 I'd want a big ring, a party. Don't ask. 487 00:21:23,300 --> 00:21:25,000 Then why don't you two get married? 488 00:21:25,330 --> 00:21:25,400 [CLEARS THROAT] 489 00:21:27,660 --> 00:21:28,233 I took the last one. 490 00:21:28,266 --> 00:21:29,500 Thanks. 491 00:21:30,433 --> 00:21:33,183 Well, you have to be in love with the person. 492 00:21:33,216 --> 00:21:34,483 Don't you love Fran? 493 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:35,350 Yeah, don't you love Fran? 494 00:21:38,330 --> 00:21:40,133 Well, in a nanny-friend-boss type of way. 495 00:21:42,330 --> 00:21:43,350 Yeah, and I love your father 496 00:21:43,383 --> 00:21:45,330 in that "Thanks a lot, you British cold fish" type of way. 497 00:21:47,450 --> 00:21:49,200 But youcould get married if you wanted to. 498 00:21:53,250 --> 00:21:55,183 Well, uh, 499 00:21:55,216 --> 00:21:58,160 we'd have to be best friends to see if we can live together. 500 00:21:58,500 --> 00:21:59,150 And of course there'd have to be 501 00:21:59,183 --> 00:22:00,450 a very strong physical attract-- 502 00:22:00,483 --> 00:22:01,366 Would you go to bed? 503 00:22:03,660 --> 00:22:05,100 Geez. 504 00:22:05,133 --> 00:22:08,830 Kids, huh? Always asking questions. 505 00:22:08,116 --> 00:22:10,233 And such vivid imaginations. 506 00:22:10,266 --> 00:22:12,200 "Why is the sky blue?" "Where's heaven?" 507 00:22:14,116 --> 00:22:15,216 Why don't you and I have a baby? 508 00:22:15,250 --> 00:22:18,133 [BOTH LAUGH] 509 00:22:18,166 --> 00:22:20,283 Meanwhile, I wonder if I'll ever be a mother. 510 00:22:20,316 --> 00:22:21,160 Well, there's always the subway, Miss Fine. 511 00:22:23,233 --> 00:22:25,300 Forget it. Next time I bring home a baby, 512 00:22:25,333 --> 00:22:27,250 it's gonna be after nine months of swollen ankles 513 00:22:27,283 --> 00:22:28,466 and an epidural that could bring down Secretariat. 514 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:38,466 [THEME MUSIC PLAYS] 515 00:22:51,233 --> 00:22:54,116 MAN: Please, no putting on makeup. 516 00:22:54,150 --> 00:22:55,433 What are you gonna do? Charge me with lipstick? 517 00:22:57,383 --> 00:22:59,250 Let's not play games. 518 00:22:59,283 --> 00:23:01,450 Did you take the baby, Fran? 519 00:23:01,483 --> 00:23:04,166 Now, I'd have to be pretty stupid 520 00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:06,183 to take a baby 521 00:23:06,216 --> 00:23:08,160 when I could have taken the salami. 522 00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:10,350 And I'm not stupid. -[COMPACT SNAPS] 523 00:23:18,500 --> 00:23:19,216 Can I get a little eye contact here? 524 00:23:22,100 --> 00:23:23,366 Oh, you got a better chance 525 00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:24,450 of seeing Tonya Harding 526 00:23:24,483 --> 00:23:25,466 on a box of Wheaties.